Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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