Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Randomize
