a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
