Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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