I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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