Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
