He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
