I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize