So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
