I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
