i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
