This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
