Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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