I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
