i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
