Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
