You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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