I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
