Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
