so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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