Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
