We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
