6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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