the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
