you guys were way drunker than both of me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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