Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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