when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
