im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
