I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
