so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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