2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
