Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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