I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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