Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
