You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
