Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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