Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
