Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
