She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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