Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
