If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
