remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
