Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
