I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
