What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
