I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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