She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
