my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize