I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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