...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
