Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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