I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think your dad took our porno
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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