also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
