best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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