Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
