I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
