Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
