I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
