Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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