mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
