wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
