I heard we made out
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
