it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
