I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
